In chapter 2 of Prototype, Jonathan Martin writes about ‘The Holy Ghost iPod shuffle phenomenon.’ I love that phrase! Finally I have a title for that thing that happens when I get in the car and a certain song comes on the radio and God speaks to me through it.
Sometimes it has helped me rant, singing outrageously loud in the car,
“So, so what
I’m still a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don’t need you!”
Sometimes it has helped me decide a way forward,
“Oh it tears me up, I tried to hold on but it hurts too much,
I tried to forgive but it’s not enough to make it all okay.
You can’t play on broken strings.
You can’t feel anything that your heart don’t want to feel,
Sometimes it’s helped me express my joy,
“I’m stupidly happy,
Now you’re my defense.
I’m stupidly happy,
This world’s making sense.
All of the time.
I’m stupidly happy,
Now you’re mine.”
Earlier this week, I left my friend’s house with her words ringing in my ears,
“Go and tell that man of yours how special he is!”
And as I turned on the ignition of the car, onto the radio came,
“Close your eyes
Let me tell you all the reasons why
Think you’re one of a kind.
Here’s to you
The one that always pulls us through
Always do what you got to do
You’re one of a kind
Thank God you’re mine.”
When I got home, I went into my daughter’s bedroom to kiss her goodnight and just at that moment her CD played,
“Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord
For loving me so much…
Help me feel your love right now,
To know deep in my heart,
That I’m your special friend.”
I guess God didn’t want me to forget that I was special too.
I’ve sat on a different garden swing this week, twenty five years later than those childhood experiences I talked about before. This week I was sat in the garden, wrapped in a blanket for comfort as much as warmth, dealing with the truth of my past, feeling so much emotional and physical pain when these words from Prototype chapter two stood out to me.
“…even in the midst of it, we still have moments when we feel called back to a time when we were not yet afraid – a time before we knew the fear of rejection, fear of people, fear of the world, or fear of ourselves…There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there’s still a sureness in you, where there’s a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquillity in you. Before you learned to be afraid, there was a part of you that knew you were loved (or at least had a suspicion).”
I’ve not listened to Cherish by Madonna on this garden swing but I hope I’m beginning to feel what it is like to be cherished by God. It feels like a long road to travel right now.
‘So What’ – Pink
‘You Can’t Play on Broken Strings’ – James Morrison.
‘Stupidly Happy’ – XTC
‘Close Your Eyes’ – Michael Buble
‘I’m special’ – Graham Kendrick
To find out more about Jonathan Martin’s book ‘Prototype’ and to read the first chapter for free go to www.prototypethebook.com